And here’s the real truth of the matter

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd  in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana       when  suddenly a brand-new 2016 7 Series BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The  driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and  YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly  how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a  yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure,  why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his  Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Apple i phone, and surfs to a NASA  page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on  his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area  in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo  in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg,  Germany     

Within seconds, he receives an email on his  Apple iPad that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then  accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with  email on his Galaxy S5 and, after a few minutes, receives a  response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color,  150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the  cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take  one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the  animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk  of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I  can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second  and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the  U.S      Government”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but  how did you guess that?”

“No  guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though  nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a  question I never asked. You used millions of dollars’ worth of equipment trying  to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know crap about  how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter.  This is a  herd of sheep”   
“Now give me back my dog.”   



Google has an Android security problem | ZDNet

In almost every security disclosure list, you’ll usually find one company digging up the dirt on the most recent vulnerabilities: Google. The team, dubbed Project Zero, rips apart software to find and report flaws to the owner. The aim? To make the world a safer place.

And it doesn’t always go well. This year alone, Google disclosed two security flaws in Microsoft’s software, leaving the software giant fuming. The security team gave Microsoft three months to fix the flaw, or face public shaming. Apple’s also been taken to task, with at least three zero-day flaws published ahead of its patching. (The benefit is that companies wake up and fix the flaw sooner rather than later. The obvious risk is that if it’s not fixed, it’s the user’s problem.)

But while Google throws stones at its competitors, it’s neglecting its own glass house full of users to protect.

Android remains the most popular mobile operating system in the world with over 81 percent of the worldwide market share. But only a fraction of Android’s share is running the software’s latest version, with the latest bug fixes, vulnerability patches, and security updates. Official stats say just shy of 10 percent are using Android 5.0 “Lollipop,” with about 39 percent running the second latest version, Android 4.4 “KitKat.”

That’s a huge gap, but not close to even older versions. It’s almost exactly split fifty-fifty down the middle between Android 4.3 and earlier — including some 930 million devices that remain vulnerable to a security flaw Google won’t fix, and Android 4.4 and later.

That’s because not everyone gets the updates. Some Android devices aren’t deemed compatible. That includes updates that include incremental security fixes (and features) known to mitigate malware threats and data leaks.

And it’s not Google that determines who gets an upgrade. Google leaves it up to the carriers.

Carriers argue they need to test Android updates to determine whether or not a device will get an upgrade. When it’s not the carriers, it’s the phone makers. That’s a problem because the software path is far quicker than the hardware path. Most devices will need a number of software updates over the course of their lifetimes, which usually last a year or two.

The problem is that most devices are never updated.

The one exception is Google’s own brand of phones, the Nexus line-up, which remain continually updated with the latest patches and fixes. That includes the long-awaited device encryption the company promised late last year, along with Apple, in an effort to remove itself from the communications chain when the feds knock at its doors for user data.

That’s where Google wins at the expense of the rest of Android’s user base. Google is not at the mercy of the carriers, but does let the carriers walk all over it. As a result, Google’s policy for a Nexus device versus every other device has created an ecosystem of fragmentation that affects the platform’s security.

And that’s entirely on Google’s head. It’s advantageous for the carriers to withhold software updates because they can better tempt users to buy newer devices instead. As for Google’s tempting offer of upgradable Nexus devices, the company can pass itself off as a rival phone maker if it sells more than a few handfuls.

But at the end of the day, it’s the users that get hurt. Android’s reputation resets with the major release cycle while Android’s some billion users are stuck on older versions, running buggy and flawed software that can easily be tampered with and targeted by hackers.

via Google has an Android security problem | ZDNet.

Greg Gutfeld: Obama Is a ‘Karaoke Christian’ – Breitbart

Thursday on Fox News Channel’s “The Five,” co-host Greg Gutfeld discussed President Barack Obama criticizing Christians for speaking out against abortion more than poverty this week at a poverty summit at Georgetown University and declared Obama to be a “karaoke Christian.”

“He possesses the artificial wisdom of an arrogant grad student who came home to supper to lecture his mom and dad over Thanksgiving,” Gutfeld said. “The defining issue, believe it or not, for a lot of Christians, most Christians, is abortion because they’re speaking up for a living being that cannot speak for itself. He’s basically saying shut up already. I’ve said it before, I am not the least bit religious, but at least I stick up for the good work of religion and the cascade of benefits that come from religion. At least I’m honest when I say that I’m not religious, and President Obama should do the same because I know he is not religious. I don’t buy it for a second and I think he is a—he’s a karaoke Christian.”

via Greg Gutfeld: Obama Is a ‘Karaoke Christian’ – Breitbart.

All Hail the Queen

Queen Hillary

As you know, my dear people, the last year for me has been an annus horribilus.
The Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi–in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you the people. For the next seventeen months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Mart and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land sharing your poverty and needs with you.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor we had to remove thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive.

Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given just enough for us to scrape by.

During those difficult times we had to cut back when our daughter was married. We only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding and I remember our hopes as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting.

So as I travel across our land to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then when the time for the royal election comes I know you will crown me as your rightful monarch so that we can all live happily ever after.

Dear Bill O’Reilly & Juan Williams: How Much Of Islam’s Butt Should We Kiss?

Copyright Doug Giles 2015

According to Bill O’Reilly and Juan Williams we shouldn’t have drawing contests that mock Mohammed because that’ll “unnecessarily” get Muslims miffed.

FYI, to O’Reilly and Juan: Most of Islam lives in a 24/7 state of unnecessary rage. They’re more moody than my buddy’s nutty wife who makes a rabid Rottweiler on meth look like Mr. Rogers after seventeen bong hits of Bruce Banner #3.

Look, gents (and you know this), everything we do ticks Islam off. We don’t have to doodle Mohammed cartoons to get them in a full-on hissy fit. They’re there. Like in, already. As in, right now.

For example: I had an applewood, avocado, bibb lettuce, farm fresh tomato, herb aioli on pressed sourdough double-bacon BLT for lunch today served up by a definite non-Muslim girl who looked just like a 22-year-old Britney Spears in a black T-shirt. You think Islam liked that? Uh, no. It’s an ”abomination” to them, worthy of lashings.

Oh … speaking of BritBrit, they are also no-fan of Miss Spears’ cleavage, and it’s not because her two kids from Federline drained the living life out of her mammaries, but principally because she likes to show off her puppies pretty much everywhere she goes; and somehow that’s deemed an “offense” to the men who stare at goats. Go figure.

Another, kooky example of how discombobulated the Religion Of Perpetual Rage is: Iran just banned trendy haircuts because they’re supposedly spawned by “devil worshipers”.

Now granted, I’m sure Josè Eber is no saint. I mean … like … who is? But to call the likes of a hair-stylist, such as Josè, a “devil worshiper” for providing men with a hipster hair-cut, is to, how would one say, skip a few steps.

By the way, if these lovelies think a modicum of pomade makes one an apostate then please … for the love of God … no one forward them pics of Adam Lambert’s new-doo because their heads will explode and we’ll be picking brain tissue and rag particles out of the acoustic tiles in HUD homes for the next decade.

While we’re on the topic of what makes Islam incensed, get a load of this: kids who lip-sync to Pharrell’s “Happy” song, I kid you not, make Muslims muy loco. Yes, a song about being Happy, makes The Religion Of Peace mad as hell and it lead to the arrest of six young Iranians.

So, Bill and Juan, what should we do with the implacable Islamic nutters?

How much do we cave to their crazy, graceless criteria? Where does it end?

If we follow your line of logic and not do cartoons that make Muslims mad, then should I dispense with my BLT? Should Britney stop shopping at Frederick’s of Hollywood? Should Adam abandon getting his faux-hawk moussed to gravity-defying heights? And Should Pharrell scrap his “Happy” tune because that makes Islam so mad they want to spit?

Should we all just roll up in the fetal position and wet our big wussy diaper lest we offend The Religion Of Never-Ending Offense?

Dear Abbey

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What’s worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn’t even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn’t even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?

Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. Good grief woman! You don’t need him anymore! You’re running for President of the United States. Act like one.