And here’s the real truth of the matter

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd  in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana       when  suddenly a brand-new 2016 7 Series BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The  driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and  YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly  how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a  yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure,  why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his  Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Apple i phone, and surfs to a NASA  page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on  his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area  in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo  in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg,  Germany     

Within seconds, he receives an email on his  Apple iPad that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then  accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with  email on his Galaxy S5 and, after a few minutes, receives a  response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color,  150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the  cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take  one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the  animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk  of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I  can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second  and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the  U.S      Government”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but  how did you guess that?”

“No  guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though  nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a  question I never asked. You used millions of dollars’ worth of equipment trying  to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know crap about  how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter.  This is a  herd of sheep”   
“Now give me back my dog.”   




This was posted as a comment on a Breitbart article about Obamacare. Unfortunately, it’s too close to the truth, and at the same time, funny as hell:

USA, formerly a contested British Colony & became a Sovereign Nation, in 1776. Suffered a slow & painful death in the 21st Century. Succumbing to the Tyranny of a Clan of ‘uninformed mutants’, and ‘blood sucking’ Leaches known as the, ‘Demo-Graphic-Ites’, led by Obama. Who eventually met there own demise at the ‘bottom’ of a ‘Cliff’…

In lieu of flowers, donations can be sent to ‘Mother Nature’.  She’s gonna start all over again….Sad.

The Top Ten Reasons To Play Trombone!

10. You get to play with your bone in public
9. There are infinite possibilities
8. 60 inches of nothing but shaft
7. You get to man the keg at band parties
6. It says bone… huh huh huh
4. Valves? We don’t need no stinking valves
3. Being kinky is not a good thing
2. Who want’s to blow wood all day?

AND…The Number ONE Reason To Play Trombone…

1. If you lube it right, you can play all night!!